Republicans who describe themselves as paying close attention to the news on Iraq are the most likely to believe that weapons of mass destruction have been found there, according to a recent poll. Is anybody surprised? I mean, these are the same people who think God appointed Drinky McDumbass to restor honor and dignity to the White House.
Ask Ann Slanders
Dear Ann: I am given to going around saying that there is no difference between Republicans and Democrats. Recently I was wondering, what IS the difference? Thanks, Really A Lying Phony Helping Nazis And Dictators Earn Respect
The difference is simple but profound. Democrats want to make the world a better place by getting rid of poverty, pollution, racism and greed. Republicans want to make the world a better place by getting rid of Democrats. I hope this helps, and thanks for reading!
Aye, we're back to being Ann Slanders, and everything that implies...
Back by popular demand [cough], it's time for a language lesson! Today, we're going to learn how to say "Bush lied, people died" in Spanish. Or
'mexican' as pResident Bunnypants would call it:
Bush lied, people died: 'Bush minti?, gente muerta.'
Now in German: 'Bush lag, die gestorbenen Leute.'
French: 'Bush s'est trouvé, les gens morts.'
And Dutch: 'De struik loog, stierven de mensen.'
In commemoration of the success of our recent appropriation of Michael 'Savage' Weiner, let's learn how to say "I file lawsuits to make up for the fact that I have a tiny little penis." Here it is in German: Ich archiviere Prozesse, um die Tatsache auszugleichen, daß ich einen
kleinen kleinen Penis habe. In Espanol: 'Clasifío pleitos para compensar el hecho de que tengo un pequeño
pene minúsculo.' Indeed. In French: 'Je classe des procès pour compenser le fait que j'ai un petit pénis
Ann Slanders' International Headquarters will continue to be Micro Savage for the day. In the meantime, because I am insufferably lazy it's a classic, here's one of Ann Slanders' 'classic' posts...
Dear Ann Slanders:
I have a website and an IQ of 64. How can I increase traffic and attract venture capital?
BC in OK
Two words: Clinton's Cock. Oooooh, that gave me a shiver. Let's say it again: Clinton's Cock. Mmmm. You just can't go wrong by fishing around inside Bill Clinton's zipper.
If you ever grow tired of Clinton's cock (as if that were possible), then hating liberals is almost as good. FOX and MSNBC were built (erected, if you will) on Clinton's cock and slagging liberals who all hate America. For variety, throw in the occassional bit of rah-rah flag waving and you'll be the next Drudge in no time!
Best of luck, and thanks for reading!
No, I'm not making that last response up. I may have elided a few paragraphs from the source, but Michael Savage really did say "The era of skateboarders is over. The era of grown men riding around on bicycles with their butts in the air is over" in response to September 11, 2001. A truly deep thinker, our Mr. Weiner.
Is there any way you can take over this commie enabling site like you did with http://annslanders.blogspot.com and http://www.blah3.com?
Republicans Exterminating Democrats Need Every Conservative Klansmen's Support
I don't want to hear about them being brought to justice. I want to hear about carpet bombing! This means more than merely tracking down and arresting individual suspects. Where is the passion? Where is the emotion? Where is the banging on the podium? Where is the pointing of the fingers, saying "we will hunt you down, we will destroy you! All of you and all of yours!" Well let me remind you of something. A new era has begun. The era of skateboarders is over. The era of grown men riding around on bicycles with their butts in the air is over. You are facing your future. And this future is not assured.
Ann Slanders is taking a day off of her rigorous (cough) schedule, so our advice today comes from your friend and mine, Micro Savage, America's most dangerous man with a penis under 1/2".
*Questions are made up, all replies are taken from Michael Savage's columns at NaziMax and other distributors of irrational bigotry.
Dear Micro Savage: I am a fan of yours who only reads your online column. Can you please describe the content of your radio show? Thanks Wannabe Savage Listener
Dear Wannabe: The content is an unbroken stream of hate and chauvinism directed against women, people of color, liberals, immigrants and in particular people of Middle Eastern heritage and people of the Muslim faith. I hope that clarifies things for you. MS
Freepers voice their support for privacy and individual rights: "Kennedy is a senile old fool who ignored the 'how' this case got to the courts, the 'set up' perpetrated by the homos to get this case running the court system. The queers involved (three of them) had been trying to get a Georgia case going on homo marriage. Well, the senile old fart, Kennedy, has made their day!
In queer dens all over America, the homos are laughing their asses off, salivating over their 'victory'. If folks don't realize what's going on, here's a clue: the entire exercise was part of the homo agenda to force their deviant behavior to be protected and given the same right to marriages, etc., equal to the traditional institution of marriage. The homo agenda is to transform this nation into their deviancy play ground.
Frankly, it won't be as difficult as the queers were thinking it would be ... as Kennedy and others have proven for them. Homo marriage is the next case they will seek to push through the putrified court system. Democrats, with their decidely leftist pallor, will empower the deviants even more, all in the name of division and vote raking, and the hell with the nation. See, leftists realize but will not tell you, when they do finally take control of this nation, even if it means corrupting it to the point of mortality, they will then dictate how the nation is to carry on, under their whim regardless of those moldy old 'living, yet senile documents'. The democrat left will make other forms of despotism pale by comparison.
When you sobered up and took your anti-psychotic meds as scheduled, what was your impression of Fox News? Anonymous
I noticed an alarming bias, and I knew this could sink the ship of truth. Surely other administrations have had their friends in high media places. Still, there were many voices and many views of dissent that found their way into the national media. But now we have a growing media blackout of some serious crimes and misdemeanors, all unsolved to the satisfaction of those with critical faculties of reason. Thanks for reading
Sometimes I look at pornography at the office, and I get so worked up that I have to go to the bathroom to, ah, "relieve the pressure." I know I need help. Can you tell me what to do? Worried And Nervous Klansmen Expecting Relief
Dear WANKER: A man who will masturbate in an office sink lacks self-control. It leads to the sale (for campaign donations) of hard drives. From hard-ons to hard drives, is that the question?
Dear Micro Savage:
Er, no, that's not really the question. I'm looking for some help for my compulsive behavior. I know it's an issue of self control, but where do I start?
Dear Wanker: As in decadent France, in the boy-man love capital of the New Whorled Order we will soon see the devolution of Liberté, Equalité, Fraternité into "Liberté, Equalité, Perversité” – while we are pulled, not led, into one thousand years of darkness.
We here at Ann Slanders are proud to bring you our special, guest commentator, Micro "Savage" Weiner. Micro is an acclaimed and beloved conservative commentator with a vast, intimate knowledge of herbal suppositories. Ann Slanders will be back soon with her regular updates (cough)!
Dear Micro Savage:
I want to throw a party for the Fourth of July, but I'm not sure what kind of accessories I need. Can you help me out? Thanks Socially Inept Conservative Klansman
Here's a quick list: A blind mountain climber, welfare sponges (in all shades), a homosexual congressman calling for "fair and free trade" with the butchers of Beijing, a smiling actress (once a 10, now a 10+) introducing a Latino assemblyman in Spanish, the assemblyman giving a rousing La Raza stump speech, grandchildren galore, black reverends who outpreach the irreverent Democrat reverends, balloons (multi-colored), a ring announcer, searchlights, trophy wives getting down to the Repub-Muzak-elevator rock, gushing young entrepreneurs who made their fortunes while still in dorm rooms, and other niceties too numerous to recall.
*: All replies are the actual words of the litigous Michael Savage.
Q. Why is anonymity so important to the right to travel?
"As Americans, we are pretty smug about our freedom; we don't even think about how we would take it back if suddenly a planned demonstration or political meeting was "canceled" because 90% of the attendees had been mysteriously stopped from flying or driving or taking the train or bus to attend. But the "transportation security" system and the profiling and databases behind it are all poised and ready to do exactly that. All it will take is a bureaucrat or politician who says "Do it", because all the mechanisms will already be built. It was only 60 years ago that hundreds of thousands of Americans were imprisoned solely for their Japanese cultural heritage. Only 40 years ago that anti-war and civil rights protesters were bugged, followed, smeared, arrested, impersonated, and disrupted by the supposedly lawful government. Only 30 years ago that a Republican President was bugging the Democratic National Committee. Only ten years ago that our prison population was half what it is today, with the increase coming from imprisoning black and Latino innocents over victimless crimes like drug use. Only two years ago that a Presidential election was stolen. I'm not talking about a banana republic somewhere else; I'm talking about our own country. Abuse of government surveillance, and suppression of unpopular minorities, are documented facts right here in the US, not unrealistic or remote fears."
Hey, I was reading about whathisface resiging from the NY Times, and saw this: "In a May 11 editor's note, the newspaper's editors asked readers to contact them if they had concerns about previous New York Times stories. "
That sounds like an invitation to bring up Wen Ho Lee and all of the noxious trash the Times printed about Clinton, Clinton and Gore.
Ladies and gentlemen, Barry Crimmins: If the US doesn't soon quell the anarchy that is running amuck in Iraq it risks losing all the goodwill it built up by invading the nation, killing thousands of people, and depriving them of food, water and electricity.
"America has issues. We're broke, fat and sex-starved. And to compensate we bluster, bully and exaggerate. The surface is full of hope, joy and American Superiority. But beneath the veneer of confidence we are desperate, afraid and confused. We are a nation of losers in a game of "winner takes all."
We are easily manipulated and lied to. We are so unsure of ourselves that we fall prey to charlatans, carnival barkers and snake oil salesmen. We are in turmoil. We are in crisis. "
Is it just me, or have you ever noticed that the same people who defend obscene CEO bonuses because "otherwise they would work at some other corporation. It's the free market," are the same people who say that giving more money to teachers just won't do anything to improve education?
If conservatives really want to run the government like a company, and if the educational system has trouble attracting and retaining quality personnel, isn't there one obvious solution? Of course we all know that raising teacher pay would just be throwing more money at the problem. I have to admit to the logic of that. After all, look at the money we've thrown at the War on (some) Drugs and Fidel Castro. Fidel Castro and Mexican dirt weed both resolutely refuse to disappear. So maybe throwing money at the problem isn't the solution. I am also absolutely confident that the conservative route of gradually strangling the public school system will do nothing to improve education in this country.
It's hard to appreciate this if you were never a Macintosh luseruser, but my Mac has been up for 15 days and two hours. Now, old Mac fans (you know who you are, as T-Rock sez) can you imagine going two weeks without a restart? Fifteen days without a cute little bomb icon and a very friendly and absolutely-opaque error message which was always a euphemism for "you're fucked, pal"? MacOS X is the shiznit. Get it and you too will become a convert.
If you're some hot-shiite Windows nerd, you may be of the opinion that Apple's Kung-Fu is weak. That would be a mistake. Behind the shiny, helpful Macintosh interface is the steel of FreeBSD Unix. Your DOS bounces harmlessly off of my command line!
Hey, here's a link that likely will automatically enroll you on any number of government watch lists. I'm not sure if they're advocating violent overthrow of the US government. Could be. I personally am not for violent overthrow of the government. Not today. I'll wait until 2004 to decide on that one....
If you're not watching Hardballs on MSNBC, you're missing out on insightful political dialog such as this:
RIOS: Congressman Armey, would you meet with the North American Man Boy Love Association? Would you meet with the Ku Klux Klan?
ARMEY: No, I would not.
RIOS: Why not?
ARMEY: I would not, but I’m...
RIOS: Why not? They’re Republicans.
ARMEY: Well, understand something. Well, first-now wait a minute. Wait a minute. First of all, you’re talking about organizations that take extreme and somewhat violent positions. This is not the people with whom...
ARMEY: ... the chairman of the Republican National Committee met.
RIOS: Congressman Armey, that’s the problem...
ARMEY: Don’t condemn him for...
RIOS: ... is you don’t-in all due respect...
ARMEY: Well, now wait a minute. This is...
RIOS: ... and you know I respect you...
ARMEY: You are being...
RIOS: This is an issue about which you’re not fully...
ARMEY: You are being so wrong here.
RIOS: ... informed. No, I’m not.
ARMEY: You’re-you’re condemning...
RIOS: You’re not fully informed about this.
ARMEY: ... the man for a meeting he didn’t have.
RIOS: No, we-I have not...
ARMEY: He didn’t meet with the Man Boy Love Relationship people.
RIOS: We questioned the Republican Party...
MATTHEWS: Let me-let me-I have to break this up for a second.
We’re going to...
ARMEY: Well, I’m sorry.
MATTHEWS: ... come back and talk about another issue on...
ARMEY: I’m sorry. You’ve got to talk about what is.
MATTHEWS: ... the conservative side of things.
ARMEY: ... not what your fears are.
MATTHEWS: Let me come back...
RIOS: I’m not saying...
MATTHEWS: Sandy, just a second.
With this level of discourse, I just can't understand why MSNBC's ratings are in the shitter