PATRIOT, n. A dangerous tool of the powers that be. A herd member who compensates for lack of self-respect by indentifying with an abstraction. An enemy of individual freedom. A fancier of the rich, satisfying flavor of boot leather.
OK, haven't done one of these in a while...
Dear Ann Slanders:
These are scary and ambiguous times. Besides my faith in handguns and Jesus Christ, what can I rely upon to feel safe in my home against terrorists?
Scared and Heavily Armed in Texas
Dear SHAT:
You're right. These are scary, ambiguous times. As conservatives, we are obligated to hate ambiguity. The best way to react to ambiguity? Blow Shit Up. The best way to blow shit up? Nuclear weapons. Fortunately for all of us, our Divinely Inspired Leader has plans to start building more plutonium cores. Lots more.
I hope this helps, and thanks for reading!
I know I'm probably the last person on the Internet to see this, but I'll post it anyway.
Looting. It's the American Way.
A
prayer for George W.
Excerpt:
"All sources are telling me that you are more than a little outta control. Way out of line. Off-leash and lost and drunk on dreams of global supremacy and in deep need of major karmic spanking, a divine colonic. The various world deities are shooting me urgent e-mails left and right. We gotta have some words, brother. Are you sitting down? Thinking cap on? Pretzels out of reach? Excellent. "
