I missed a day. Tisk, etc. Bad blogger, no donut.
Yesterday pretty much sucked all around, and today's not shaping up to be much better. Looking forward to tonight's Bartfest at the Rio.
You, too, can try your hand at editorial haiku. Well, actuallly you can't, as they are not currently taking submissions. Too bad. If you write one that you must share with the world, send it to me and I'll print it here. Gosh, I'm nice. In the meantime, here are some I've submitted to them over the years. Look upon my works and despair, ye mighty!
--
R U 4 8 6?
Why, yes, I sure am. Choice rules!
American way.
--
The Republican
Gives tax cuts to rich buddies
"Work harder, poor folks"
--
Founding fathers, dead,
are still much smarter than Bush,
the smirking fratboy
--
Bush, Cheney, they are
compassionate, don't you know.
Big oil needs our love
--
Cut social programs,
the rich folks need a tax cut.
Christian Charity?
--
I scratch my belly
An ape, sitting at my desk.
ook ook, computer
--
Tornado Alley
My mobile home's a magnet
Fujita Class Five
--
Obviously, not all edku are strictly editorial. Ah well.
Dear Ann Slanders:
Now that Christopher Hitchens has left The Nation, they will need a writer to actively despise the readership and badmouth the magazine in public. You're perfectly qualified, Ann! Have you thought about applying for the job?
A fan in Georgia.
Dear AfiG:
The Nation? Hah! I'd rather blow Christopher Ruddy for pocket change before I cashed a check from those liberal slugs at the Nation.
A rag like The Nation doesn't have what it takes to keep a writer with my talent and good looks. It's just like Tom Delay said: "Liberals dumb. Conservatives smart."
That's why the stupid liberals hate us, because they can't do anything but slander and call names.
Thanks for reading!
Time for another language lesson:
"Pot is an herb, Bush is a dope."
In German: "Topf ist ein Kraut, Bush ist eine Schmiere."
Translated literally, that says "Bush is a lubricant." Ha! Well, he is an oil man.
Let's try it in Italiano: "l'erbaccia è un'erba, Bush è uno sciocco."
Again, a rough translation. Translated literally back into English we get "the weed it is a grass, Bush is one foolish." No arguing with that.
Let's try Dutch: "De pot is een kruid, is de Struik een verdovend middel."
"Struik" is Dutch for "Bush," and "verdovend middel" translates as "anesthetising means" as in, "Could George Bush tell you what 'anesthetising' means?"
Hey, good news for the compassionate conservative set:
Poverty is on the rise again after declining for most of a decade (read, "during the Clinton admin."), but the wealthiest 5% saw their incomes rise last year. Yay!
My gosh, those tax cuts sure turned that godforsaken Clinton economy on its head.
In Shrubbie's latest speech, he slurs something about how 'murica won't be threatened by "the worldsh worsht leadersh." Hey, I smell a list coming on!
Top 5 World's Worst Leaders.
5. Fidel Castro, Cuba - Stalinist suppression of dissent.
4. Saparmurat Niyazov, Turkmenistan - Creating a cult of personality, suppression of dissent.
3. Kim Jong Il, North Korea - Dogmatic adherence to Maoist doctrine driving country to starvation. Suppression of dissent.
2. General Secretary Reverend Dr Honor Nyo, Myanmar (Burma) - Overthrew democratically elected government. Suppression of dissent.
1. George W. Bush - Undermined democratically elected government. Dogmatic adherence to free market dogma driving country to bankruptcy. Unelected pretzel brain wants war with Iraq to distract public from domestic policy meltdown. Suppression of dissent
Now it's time for another letter from our onl loyal reader, Militant in Michigan:
Dear Ann Thraxxx Slanders:
The other day I overheard some aging bearded hippie talking in a bar about trying to find a baby killer to help fix his "lady’s" problem. Is there some kind of emergency number I can call to alert our Justice Department the next time I see this kind of treasonous behavior?
Militant in Michigan
Dear MiM:
Only my closest friends are allowed to call me 'Thrax. A peon member of the reading public like yourself may address me as Dear Ann, get it?
Now on to your question. Yes, you may use your local Operation TIPS number to turn this liberal scumbag in for trying to make private reproductive choices. If the PC liberal nazis manning the phones at America's Most Wanted won't round this traitor up, it is incumbent upon you to fabricate some charges that will get the jackboots moving, know what I mean?
You're free to make up anything you like, because you're a patriot, and liberals are subhuman traitors that deserve whatever they get.
If you don't have the imagination to make up a story, don't worry. You can still take care of this. Shotguns and 9MM pistols are a great substitute for imagination.
I hope this helps, and thanks for reading!
Light blogging this week, just in case you missed Sunday's update...
A comforting statistic: 49% of the American public believes the First Amendment gives too much freedom.
Look around you.
If that poll is right, half of the people you see believe less freedom of speech is a good thing.
I suspect these people voted for Bush, too.
Now, since we're talking about pig fuckers, how about Michael Savage? I first encountered him as a columnist over at NaziMax, and have had the misfortune to hear his show on occasion. He's like Ann Coulter with more hate, less talent and bigger boobs.
So I was listening to the Dead Kennedys during my morning walk today. Back in the mid eighties, they wrote a song about Jerry Brown called "California Uber Alles, then re-wrote it about Ronnie Raygun a few years later called We've got a bigger problem now. Click on the link to see all the lyrics, but check out this particular stanza that made me think of the unelected thief in the Whitehouse:
"Welcome to 1984
Are you ready for the third world war?!?
You too will meet the secret police
They'll draft you and they'll jail your niece
You'll go quitely to boot camp
They'll shoot you dead, make you a man
Don't you worry, it's for a cause
Feeding global corporations' claws
Die on our brand new poison gas
El Salvador or Afghanistan
Making money for President Reagan
Making money for President Reagan
And all the friends of President Reagan "
Substitute "Bush" for "Reagan" and what else is new?
The forcast for the next week calls for light to moderate blogging. It's deadline week at the monthly publication that supports my blogging habit, so I'll be lost in the jungles of Quark Xpress. Gotta clear the decks so no work impinges upon BartFest weekend.
